Whew. Let me tell you. The last month or so has been a whirlwind. Matt and I both have felt like we are constantly dragging and sluggish, having a hard time getting up in the morning, not as active as we’d like to be, dreading the 9-5 but at the same time constantly running around barely able to keep up with everything going on.

I have been so excited to participate in so many great events in June already. You can find all the relevant links below! Fearless - a women-centric space and community in Winston Salem- hosted a grand opening and IN THE FIRST WEEK, I hosted an “Intro to Women Who Hike” talk with a rad group of women in the wonderful Fearless space. We covered ALL KINDS of topics and got very real about women specific concerns in the outdoors. A small group of WWH members and I also participated in  a Trail Maintenance Day with The Friends of the Mountain to Sea Trail for National Trail Day on June 2nd. On June 9th, Kenya and Michelle from Outdoor Journal Tour traveled to Charlotte, NC to lead a group of ODJT and WWH members in a group hike up Crowder Mountain which included journaling and meditation. The experience was amazing and I’M SO GLAD I was able to finally meet these two amazing women in person.

Matt and I  have also spent time with friends, celebrating birthdays and enjoying some time outside - but it just hasn’t been ENOUGH to feel caught up. So maybe we have been busy over here! Somehow my inner critic doesn’t accept busyness as an excuse for feeling this way. Our society’s attitude (and honestly, mine) is/has been busy = productive and the busier you are the better. I have spouted the words “I like being busy” more times than I even care to admit. I no longer agree with this philosophy, BUT IT’S HARD to break a habit borne of 8+ years of reinforcement of this behavior. I’ve started to recognize that I use being busy as a mechanism of avoidance; to avoid things I find scary or emotionally taxing ie) writing, building this blog!, learning about racism/sexism/fat-phobia, acknowledging hard emotions that emerge related to work, etc. It’s an unfortunate habit, because those are all things that I simultaneously find extremely important and worth all of the time, space and energy I have to put towards them.

Matt and I are dreamers and spend our down time daydreaming about life on the road - #VanLife. We watch videos, talk about what model van we want, what will our layout look like, what appliances do we want, where will we visit?  I’ve started to wonder of late if I (or anyone) can really know all the facets of myself without living for a period of time without the obligation of a work schedule. What would I CHOOSE to spend time on? Where would my mind go? Would I discover something about myself that I don’t yet know? And these thoughts don’t stem from hatred of my job or career. I really love what I do, I find it very rewarding and worthwhile but i am starting to despise the obligation of “going to work”. The irony is now I HAVE to work to pay off the debt that got me to this career. *sigh*.

This draw to “freedom” and our individual love of travel and the outdoors makes van life a natural choice for us. There are few concrete steps we are taking to make this dream a reality. We are hyper focused on paying off our debts as fast as possible. Unfortunately this means I’ll have to work MORE, rather than less, for at least the short term. We’ve utilized a budget program (YNAB) to track our expenses and keep us accountable for our spending both together and individually. I think being aware of where we can cut back on our spending will be monumental in allowing us to pay off debts as fast as we can. I have also recently joined an accountability group through the Women On the Road podcast, to continue making concrete steps toward this goal with the benefit of connecting with an AMAZING group of women!

But until we can make all of these dreams a reality I think the question becomes - how can I find or apply what we are searching for, to our lives now? I don’t want to just be constantly working toward the future.  How can I slow down, be more mindful, make space and prioritize the parts of life that I find the most important? What are ways you work to be more mindful and live in the moment?

LINKS:

Outdoor Journal Tour

https://www.outdoorjournaltour.com/

Friends of the Mountain To Sea Trail

https://mountainstoseatrail.org/

Fearless

https://fearlesswsnc.com/

Women On the Road

https://she-explores.com/women-on-the-road/